I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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