he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
