I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
