I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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