pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Randomize
