dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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