and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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