Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
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