Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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