he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
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