I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I just found puke in my bra..
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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