remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I need to wash the frat house off of me
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
