We're like a lot better than the average bears
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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