You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
