Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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