i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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