we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
