also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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