My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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