I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
