and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
