turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
