Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize
