PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
