Well douche your snatch and let's go!
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
