How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
