I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
it's great music for shaving your balls
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
