I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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