Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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