just come out here and I will go home with you...
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
