sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
