Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
