I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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