U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Randomize
