But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
My legs feel like baby dolphins
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Randomize
