If you die in college, do you die in real life?
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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