i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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