it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I want her autograph on my taint
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
