i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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