I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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