My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
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