My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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