Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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