i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
