I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
