Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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