who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
