Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Why did my mother make you get naked?
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
