Can i not drive my cunt home
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Randomize
