we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
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