My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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