I just cut my nipple shaving
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
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