You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
