He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
