Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
