a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
