he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
