Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
