At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
