Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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