so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
