You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Sext me about skeletons
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
