I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
