You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
