I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
