oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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