my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
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