I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
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