Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
