Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
