Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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