i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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