I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
